An open letter to clothing designers and manufacturers

Hello. My name is Mrs. Kat. And I have two girls aged 7 and 10. They are not totstitutes. They are children. I’d really like to be able to buy clothes that are appropriate to children. Not to totstitutes.

We like to buy bikinis – or really tankinis for bathing suits. I mean, have you ever tried to take off a one piece if you have to pee? But, really, my 7 year old does not need a bikini bottom that ties at the hips. And my 10 year old really doesn’t need that snake skin suit with molds for breasts that she hasn’t developed yet.

In the winter time…sweat pants are always a good idea. They keep you warm. They are not confining. They’re great to wear for physical activity. But, please, tell me why do you need to put the word “juicy” on their rear ends?

And on occasion…when they are not wearing crocs…there comes a time when the girls need a dress shoe. Why, oh why, is that when they have passed a toddler size that my only option for church shoes includes a platform or a wedge? My girls can hardly walk down the hallway without putting finger prints on my walls or tripping over their own two feet. Heels do not help this in any manner. They are children, not totstitutes.

I know, I know. You are going to say I should “vote” with my almighty dollar. But please…I should not be forced to the ranks of Hanna Andersson just because I don’t want my girls to look like totstitutes.

And then…there is me. I have reached a certain…ummm…size. Well…probably far beyond it. But please help me to understand why my size is a “specialty” size. When the average size American woman is a 14 or a 16…why do you stop at that average…and not gather that there are quite a few of us that are above average in all that we do.

And then…there are some of you who recognize those of us that are above average. But, is polyester my punishment for excelling? What happened to natural fabrics? Do you really think that all I want to wear is caftans, huge flowers, embroidery, and t-shirts with cats on them? Perhaps you are misguided enough to think that I’ll lock myself in my house not to be seen. You could be right with those options.

Or perhaps, I am just a tad misguided. I must have made an error in judgement. I am just not hip. I need to get with the program. See reality. Be educated.

I mean… I must need to look through the clothing rack and wonder if what I am seeing is sexy enough for my girls? Will those f*ck me pumps keep the sand out at the play ground? Or hey…will these jeans be low enough on the girls' a$$s to give them that perfect whale tail?

Yep, you can find me in the stores with my flowered mumu and my hoochie mama girls.