Sing...sing a song

"Dirty babe.  You see the shackles.  Baby I'm your slave.  I'll let you whip me if I misbehave..." ~ Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

"The whole damn world is just as obsessed.  With who's the best dressed and who's having sex, who's got the money, who gets the honeys..." ~ High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup

They just take on new meaning.  When the songs are sung by your 8 year old.  At the top of her lungs.  In the back seat of the mini-van.  All while having a raging case of the hiccups.

If only I had curly hair

Did you ever perm your hair?

What about put it in those foam pink rollers overnight?

All in that quest for curly hair.

I had straight hair. There might have been a slight wave to it. It had a bump. One. I didn't count that as a wave. It was a bump. And then all of that changed after children. When all of a sudden I got curly hair.

But now. Right now. Madalyn is lamenting her lack of curls. And my telling her to wait till she has children is really not making it all kopacetic. So. For Christmas. I got her some rollers. Who knew this would be one of her favorite gifts?

So she took a shower. And I sectioned off her hair. And rolled it up.

She somehow managed to sleep in them. Even though she was very uncomfortable. And complained. A lot. But taking them out. That was so not in Madalyn's plan.

By the next morning. Her hair was dry. And her curls were set. Right along with her smile.

So...what about you? Did you want curls (or for it to be straight)? Do you style your childrens' hair?

Time to celebrate

We had a big accomplishment at our house a few weeks ago. Madalyn got straight As for the first time. I was so proud. To reward her efforts, I told her we would take her out to dinner to celebrate and she could choose the restaurant.

My notion of a reward and her notion of a reward are not in the same league. Evidently. To an eight year old. Dinner out with the family is on par with punishment. Or chores. Or a visit to the dentist. However. Madalyn agreed to this outing if she got to bring a friend. You know. So she could have someone to talk to. So. Last Sunday we headed out as a family. Plus Madalyn's friend Shannon. For the big, celebratory meal. And where did we go? When the sky was the limit? Her choice was...

Yep. Golden Corral. Where she dined on such delicacies as popcorn shrimp. Rolls. A single bite of baked potato. Mashed potatoes. And dessert. Which was best served on a plate and eaten as soup.So...what about you? Do you like Golden Corral? Where would you want to celebrate getting straight As? Where would your kids choose to go?

The further adventures of JT

Madalyn likes Justin Timberlake. Likes likes Justin Timberlake. I am not sure how it all started. But she has had a thing for him for years. And years is a long time when one is only not quite eight years old to begin with.Two years ago, she asked for him for Christmas. Well. Actually. She asks for him for Christmas every year. And she's already asked for him for her birthday this year. But...two years ago I remembered that I could probably find a Justin Timberlake doll. Action figure? On ebay. One from his N'Sync days. Back when he kinda had a fro.

Madalyn loves her JT. I did a blog post about him last summer. When I discovered where she had been keeping him.

In her panty drawer. Because if you had JT. Wouldn't that be where you would keep him?

And then this past Christmas, I got her a Justin pillowcase. So, now the doll. Action figure? Stays with the panties. And she sleeps with the image. Remember. She's not quite eight.

And then last week. It seems that Justin found a new spot to hang out. He came out from under the panties. And into a basket. On Madalyn's night stand. And with him is some lip gloss. JT has the perfect place to store it.Hey. JT. Is that a lipstick in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?

Somehow. I am beginning to think that the Warioland Shake-it game may be the least of our worries.

So...what about you? Do your kids have celebrity crushes? Do you have an inappropriate celebrity crush? Do you remember your first celebrity crush?

And the 2008 Mother of the Year is...

You already know this is not going to end well, don't you?

Well...it started with Madalyn spending the night at a friend's house. Where she was accidentally knocked off the ladder of her friend's bunk beds. She was checked out by the parents. She could move her arm. Her wrist. Her fingers. They gave her some ice. And a hug. And sent her on her way.

The next day was when we met Santa. Madalyn told me her wrist was a little sore. When we got home, I looked at it. It wasn't swollen. She could move everything. In ever imaginable direction. With only a very fake sounding "owww" coming from her mouth. But...

She refused to use her right hand. She wouldn't eat with it. Insisted that she needed help opening doors. If I gave her something to carry, she'd either carry it in her left hand. Or would drop it if she needed to use two hands. But...

She refused to put a bag of frozen peas on her hand. Refused ibuprofen. And I just chalked it all up to Miss Drama Queen.

Told her to get over it. Told her that she MUST use her right hand. And even went so far as to recount the story of "The boy who cried Wolf."

Are ya'll groaning about now?

After a few days. I decided that it would be way too much of an acting job for her to continue to refuse to use that hand. And I made Michael take her to the doctor. Cause I was over the whole thing. And it was Christmas Eve. I still had a lot to do.

Michael and Madalyn spent the morning in the emergency room. Because you know I wanted to pay that $75 co-pay the orthopedist offices were closed. And after a few hours, Madalyn arrived home. With a fractured right wrist. And a splint. A sling. And looking like the cat that swallowed the canary.

I do believe I spent a few days channeling Shannon. Who was also quite sure that she would just KNOW if her child broke a limb. Shannon - I'll happily share my award with you!

So...what about you? Have you ever broken a bone? Had stitches? Had to take a child to the emergency room? Did you wait a few days to do it?

Theme song: Rolling Stones - Mother's Little Helper. Because I am going to need it to get through the drama. And notoriety.

Conversations with Madalyn

So this morning, I am standing in my bathroom. Putting my hair up in a pony tail as I get ready for water aerobics. Putting in my contacts. When Madalyn comes in and has me help her fix her hair. I am wetting it down when she notices a q-tip laying on my counter. It is black on both ends. So she asks me "what is that?!"And I tell her that I didn't take off my make-up last night. So, it's from my mascara under my eyes.

And she says "So you tie-dyed your hair?!"And I tell her no. I did not tie-dye my hair. Or dye it. I used the q-tip to get the smeared mascara off my face.

And she says "so that black stuff was in your ears?!"

I think she likes to hear the sound of her own voice...

Theme song: U2 - Vertigo. Because I get verbal vertigo with Madalyn.

Just like waterboarding

There exists in this world many forms of torture. And torture devices. Human beings can get quite creative. There are thumbscrews.The infamous rack.

An Iron Maiden. Does listening to the band Iron Maiden count as torture as well?

And now, I would like to submit the latest method of torture. It's called a table. With an attached stool.

I sit in this particular torture device for an hour each month during my PTA Board meeting. And when the meeting is over, I attempt to stand. I try to haul myself to my feet. But, my rear has turned to lead. And my legs start to tingle and burn as the blood trys to circulate. My knees have locked into a position that prohibits standing when they were shoved under this table. And those said knees are having alignment issues with my hips, which are precariously floating around the stool. Because you see this stool.And how (not) wide that seat is?

Well, I won't torture you with a companion photo of my derriere, but let's just say a stool for each cheek might be sufficient.

The table and attached stool may be a lovely seat for my seven year old, but for me...not so much.

And then, to prove that I am a glutton for punishment, I stayed at my torture stool. AND had lunch with Madalyn. In the school cafeteria.

It's a pretty special ocassion to have a parent come to lunch. We get to sit at a special table. And when the monitors are telling the kids to be quiet - those of us at the special table can ignore them. Best of all, Madalyn got to invite a friend to eat with her at the torture special table.Here is Madalyn's lunch. Apples. Sun chips. Chocolate milk. And grilled cheese. What? What's that? Are you asking where IS that grilled cheese? It's sealed in a plastic pouch. See - over on the right side of her tray. Really. They don't make the grilled cheese at the school. It comes in all it's prepackaged goodness.

Another bonus for parent lunches. I buy ice cream.

Yeah. Let's NOT do a name that photo contest with this one.

And when lunch was over, I inched my knees out from under the table. Rubbed my legs to get the circulation going. Pinched my hips to remind them that they were still attached. Stomped my feet to be sure that I could feel them. Made sure that I had everyone's attention while I hauled my tush off the round stool. And I finally stood up. And seriously wondered if the CIA had started investigating the possibilities to be found at my local elementary school.

So, what about you? Did you find school lunches to be yummy or pure torture? Do you partake of school lunches now? Volunteer at school? Participate in any other forms of torture?

Theme song: Sting - King of Pain

What's in your Drawer?

Normally I don't put away the girls' laundry. That is their job. But the other day I needed to get a bathingsuit for Madalyn. And when I opened her drawer. The drawer that is supposed to contain bathing suits and panties. Guess what I found?Do you know what that is?It's not a Ken doll. It's a Christmas present Madalyn got last year. One she asked for. Sort of. She put Justin Timberlake on her Christmas list. My 6 year old asked for JT for Christmas. I am sure that you are saying to yourself, "ummm...that's not Justin Timberlake." But it is. Apparently N'sync had dolls (or are they action figures?) made. They were more like marionettes. But Madalyn cut off his strings. So she could carry him around. Or store with her undies.

So, what about you? When did you start noticing the opposite sex? What about your kids? Who did you have a crush on? Did you have a doll of him and store it with your panties?

Theme song: Justin Timberlake - Sexyback

Happiest Time of the year First day of School

I suppose that we have known for over a year that today would be the first day of school. With that knowledge, I am not quite sure why we waited until the day before to get school supplies. And tennis shoes. Because waiting that long meant waiting in long lines at Tar-jay. Where I never have to wait in lines. Except the day before school. It also meant that Tar-jay had no shoes. Not one single pair of tennis shoes. Which actually made the girls happy because they only want to wear their Crocs.

We packed Madalyn's backpack last night. This morning she picked out her snack. And she has not been able to stop talking about going back to school. She's been counting down the hours and minutes. And she was beside herself with excitement when we saw her teacher at Tar-jay. It was like a celebrity sighting.

Then this morning, they put on their first day of school outfits. You know. The ones that I get to pick out for this day. Only this day. And our photography session began.

Have I mentioned that I have strange children?

Even the kitties knew that something interesting was going on outside.Apparently Madalyn cannot decide if she wants to be a muscle man or a flamingo.

And then the bus pulled up. And I got my camera out to capture her taking her first steps onto her yellow limo. And I am looking through the camera. And my child does not appear in my view finder. Where is she? Both boys get on. But no Madalyn.

I put down my camera and she is right in front of me. Telling me that she is not going to get on the bus. But that I am going to drive her to school. I don't believe I said anything. I just stared at her. Incredulous. And she repeated "I want you to drive me to school." And I think I continued to stare at her. My child who loves school. Who loves the bus. Who was counting down the seconds. Who never showed a hesitation until this very moment.

And then I was rescued by one of the other moms. Who took her by the hand and led her to the bus. Where the driver waited patiently for the drama to play out. Where Madalyn declared "Oh, FINE!" And got on the bus. And I didn't get a picture of her taking that step.

Are you excited about school starting? Do you have traditions to celebrate this happiest time of the year?