I don't think that I would ever categorize myself as sentimental. I am not one to hold on to things. And I am quite guilty of throwing things away. Only to realize too late that I really needed something.
Along with not being sentimental...I might have even...Once upon a time, called myself stoic. And said that I don't cry.
Except. Really. I do. I was just good at hiding it. At pretending that I had an eyelash in my eye while watching "Charlotte's Web." Or biting my lips to ebb the tears over the finale of M*A*S*H or St. Elsewhere.
Until I had children. And now. The tears just flow. Over anything. Over nothing. And not a thing can ebb their flow.
I think it started when Katie was about two weeks old. Michael and I left her with my parents and went for our first afternoon alone. Guess what we did. We saw a movie. Just imagine it. A new mom. A hormonal new mom. Watching "Titanic." It was not pretty. And after that. Well, for just about any movie, the flood gates are open. Steel Magnolias. Four Weddings and a Funeral - when they read the Auden poem. Terms of Endearment. "Give my daughter the shot!" Field of Dreams "hey dad...wanna have a catch?" Oh, I could go on.
I can cry over Publix grocery store commercials. That sweet one at Christmas time where the intern thinks that he will be celebrating alone, only to find his whole family cooking dinner in his apartment. Or that hallmark commercial with the older lady. Who never gets any mail. And she's always checking. So a sweet neighborhood sends her a card.
And then there is music. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven." Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings." Or, most uncomfortable of all is to be in church when they sing "On Eagle's Wings."
And then there are books/movies like "Marley and Me." Well...we all know how that one ends. And because I know what will happen. I just don't go there. I haven't read it. I won't go see it. I have to "protect" my youngest from movies with any sort of violence. She just can't handle it. Just like I would not be able to handle Marley. And I could never read my kids "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch.
And then I started blogging. And tears have become part of my day. Sad tears. Tears of comfort. Happy tears. All from things that you guys have written. It's amazing that my laptop hasn't shorted out. I don't think that any of my posts have brought anyone to tears. Except from tears of wasted time. And chest beatings about "I'll never get that 2 minutes back!"
I suppose that because I am a crier. Who does not want to be a crier. I really like it when the catharsis is cut short by a joke. I need the light heartedness. And the silly. To balance out the sap. Or maybe the answer is that I should just surrender. And buy stock in Kleenex.
So...what about you? Are you a crier? Or do you have a steely resolve? Is there something that will get you every time?
Theme song: Justin Timberlake - Cry me a River. Because it actually does not make me cry.