What a weekend. One I am quite ready to forget. Pretend never happened. Except that I am about to commit it here. For posterity. And ridicule.
It all started with a bang on Friday. I have this small rash on my back. And I thought that rather than call a dermatologist. I'd go online and see if I could figure out what it might be. If ever. In the future. You think about self-diagnosis. Don't. Don't do it. Don't be tempted. Just say no. Run far away.
Because when you google skin rashes. All kinds of horrors show up. And you might convince yourself that you have impetigo. Or leporsy. Or MRSA. All of which are rather scary. And you begin to wonder if really it might be ebola. And you keep checking your eyes to see if they have started bleeding yet.
And then. You might have tightening in your chest. And nausea. And light headedness.
And then. If you couple that with a radiating pain from your back down your arm into your hand. You might convince yourself that you are having a heart attack. Or that you have yet another fatal disease. And then people might need to be gathered to talk you down from the ledge.
Have them speak softly. And utter soothing words. Because in actuality. What is wrong with you is a little eczema.
And that pain from your shoulder. Well that is wii arm. Not to be confused with tennis elbow. Because wii arm is from holding the wheel on Mario Kart a little too tightly. And from scrunching your muscles. That is the scientific name you know. That scrunching that tightens you up. As you try to not let your cart go off the cliff.
So...what about you? Do you ever try to look up symptoms on the internet? Have you ever been convinced you had some disease that you did not? Ever given yourself a strange ailment like wii arm? (Let's not go into the time I threw out my neck from blow drying my hair...)
Theme song: Fuel - Hemorrhage